I thought I was going to go the entire month of April without posting, but here I am. I've been a bit over-stressed spiritually. I still find I'm able to give to others, that hasn't changed. Christ is the living fountain in my life and amazingly he always supplies me with plenty of strength when it comes to serving others. But it's another thing to feel at peace in the in-between moments. Walking with Christ means keeping my eyes on him each day and not looking around too much, and maybe that's where the discouragement has leaked in.
Right now there may be too many distractions for me to gain fully that sense of security I want in him. While reading in the Psalms before the Easter service yesterday I was arrested by the first line of Psalm 37: "Do not fret because of evildoers." Ah yes, the temptation to fret and lose focus. That must be my problem. The more I go on in life, the more I see that we live in a world where selfishness and dishonesty seem to gain the upper hand while those who try to practice patience, submission and love are shoved aside. Psalm 37 gives assurance that this state of affairs won't last forever, but in the meantime it does grieve the soul.
I know that the big thing right now is to believe in a God who is too loving to judge us or require atonement for our sins, but frankly I have trouble believing in a God who isn't offended by evil. A God who isn't provoked by the selfishness, the greed, the arrogance, the exploitation, the deceit, and the cold-heartedness that pervades our society, our relationships and our churches? Really? This stuff grieves me more than it grieves him? Somehow I highly doubt that.