Friday, August 04, 2006

Those ex-gay testimonies

I read a couple of ex-gay testimonies yesterday, recommended by a very nice reader as illustrations of how “gays can change.” You know, every time I point and click on a link to an ex-gay testimony someone sends me, I think, “This will be the story that proves all my skepticism about ex-gays wrong. After reading this I will have to change my tune and become a true believer.” Then I read it and end up disappointed once again.

Now, I’m not interested in getting down on anyone who wants to join up with an ex-gay ministry. If you insist on giving it a whirl, then far be it from me to discourage you. My main problem is with these ex-gay, poster-boy testimonies touted by such ministries as proof that homosexuality can be cured. Because every single ex-gay testimony that I have read goes like this:

He grows up in a certain kind of dysfunctional family situation, experiences homosexual inclinations at such-and-such an age, and eventually indulges in the gay lifestyle. Then comes the desire to change, the joining of an ex-gay ministry, and the resolve to struggle against temptation. So far so good. But then the story gets sketchy and he suddenly does this quantum leap into claiming he is now cured of homosexuality. He may point to the fact that he hasn’t had gay sex in x-number of years. He may point to the fact that his thoughts about gay sex have greatly diminished over the years. He may even point to the fact that he is now married to an opposite-sex partner. Out comes the photograph of his lovely wife and five beautiful kids. Proof that a bonafide heterosexual lifestyle has been achieved.

At this point I feel like saying, Dude, I’m happy for you and all, but you know the old saying about how being in a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car. Well, being in a marriage with a wife and producing a bunch of kids isn't what makes you a heterosexual. I should know because I am one, I'm married to one, and you can’t fool me. The part of your testimony that’s missing is where you say something like this:

“I knew I had been cured of my homosexuality when one night I made love to my wife and found it to be the most exhilarating, joyous and deeply satisfying sex I’d had in a long time. After that I began experiencing the wondrous journey of discovering how attractive, alluring, sensuous and seductive a woman’s body can be on a purely physical level. And, oh man, once my true heterosexual nature started kicking in, things really went into overdrive and I even had a major problem with indulging in Internet girlie porn for awhile. Don’t worry, I’ve got that under control now, but in truth it was such a relief to have that problem instead of the other one. In fact, as the years go by, I have a harder and harder time remembering why I used to like guys so much, especially when I compare it to the tremendous excitement and deep satisfaction I get out of having sex with my wife. Woo hoo! Yeah, baby!”

See what I'm driving at? I’m still looking for a story like that. I’ve never seen one and I’ve only been searching for the past six years. But if it exists, send it along. I’ll provide the link to it on this blog.