Discomfort level

I just heard recently that a gay Christian friend of mine is going to be leaving his conservative church. Even though he is not in a gay relationship and never has been, he is being shunned by a core group of people in the congregation. The only excuse they have given for the way they treat him is, "We're not at a place where we feel comfortable interacting with gay people."

Sure, I get it. That's my favorite Bible verse too. The one that says, "They will know that we are Christians by the way we love only those brothers and sisters with whom we have come to a place where we feel comfortable interacting."

Which also brings to mind some of my favorite passages out of the Gospels where Jesus goes around touching, healing, befriending and sharing meals only with the people with whom he had gotten to a place where he felt comfortable interacting. Because if you want to change the world, that's the winning formula right there.

Speaking of changing the world, I can't recall any time in church history where the gospel caught fire and spread because Christians were interacting only with those respectable people with whom they felt comfortable. Saint Patrick, who is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland, largely ministered to slave girls who suffered being raped regularly by their masters. John Wycliffe was the first to translate the Bible in English for the benefit of lay people, whom the church of his day regarded as "swine." John and Charles Wesley were condemned by the clergy of their day for preaching the gospel in open fields to the uneducated masses.

If there's any spiritual lesson to be learned from the past, it is run, don't walk, from any temptation to center your Christian life around being comfortable, respectable and insulated. No great spiritual advancement has ever happened in the kingdom of God because Christians were afraid to love the really tough-to-love people.

Which is why there's hope for my gay Christian friends, because I see so many of them struggling to love their straight brothers and sisters in Christ in spite of our perverse ignorance and obnoxious self-righteousness. From a certain perspective we are the really tough-to-love people, not them. We need to understand the true nature of our spiritual situation. If we don't get our act together and learn how to love, the kingdom will surely march forward without us. And gay Christians will be leading the way.

Am I being sentimental or hyperbolic when I say that? Let me put it this way. If you want to know how God is working to advance his kingdom, observe what he is doing among the people on the margins. The poor, the homeless, the persecuted, the forsaken, the ill, the feeble, and the despised. God calls his people from within those situations and uses suffering to train them in love, forgiveness, patience and meekness. They may never get to be senior pastor at the newest megachurch everyone is flocking to. They may never even be allowed to lead a Bible study. They may struggle just to be accepted in their churches. But they are the ones whom Christ will lift up, they are the ones he will strengthen, and they are the ones he will reveal himself to. If you despise them, you do so at your own spiritual peril.

Come again?

So let me get this straight. World Vision announced three days ago that it will be hiring Christians who are in same-sex marriages and the reaction, according to Rachel Held Evans, was that thousands of Christians withdrew support from the children they were sponsoring, thus forcing World Vision yesterday to renege on their original policy change to stop the financial hemorrhaging.

Thousands of needy children were abandoned because some Christians didn't want to be working on the same team with gay Christians in same-sex marriages.

What kind of gay Christians are these people whom others found so abhorrent? Well, they are married, which means they are not living a "lifestyle" of promiscuous sex and one-night stands. They are Christians, which means they seek to live as sexually chaste as possible. Not everyone can handle living celibate so many gay Christians get married to same-sex partners. The apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:9, "But if they cannot exercise self-control let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." These gay Christians have taken that biblical exhortation to heart.

What kind of gay married Christian would want to work for World Vision? Probably someone who has a heart for children and for the poor, who wants to serve Christ's kingdom, and who is willing to make the financial sacrifice of working for a non-profit organization. Usually someone like that is a fairly committed Christian, kind, idealistic and compassionate. It's amazing how many gay Christians I've met who have a heart for missions and the poor. The marginalized relate with great tenderness and empathy to other marginalized people. It's a perfect fit.

World Vision probably recognized this too, which is why they didn't see a problem with the change in policy. I keep wondering why they didn't count the cost before taking that step. My best guess is that they expected blowback, but they didn't expect that Christian supporters would actually drop their sponsorships with their children as a way of protesting. I mean, who does that?

And what was the reason again for so many Christians dropping their sponsorships? Because they didn't want to labor on the same team as some of the most dedicated gay Christians in our midst, who have made the sexually responsible commitment of being in a marriage relationship, embracing the church's teaching not to be promiscuous or live the lifestyle. These are the Christians that others couldn't abide working with, even for the sake of relieving the suffering of a destitute child.

The local gay Christian Bible study

When I mention to my straight friends that I attend a gay Christian Bible study, I sometimes get the feeling that they think I went to someone's house where half the guys were fornicating in the upstairs bedrooms while the other half sat around shirtless, leering at one another. Doesn't matter that I said "Christian" or even "Bible study." The only word some people hear is "gay," and that will often send their minds off in a certain misguided direction.

It's possible that I've presumed too much on what people know about gay Christians. So first off, yes, gay Christians do exist. And also, being Christians, they are interested in studying the Bible. Why do they have "gay Christian" Bible studies? you might ask. Because most evangelical churches don't welcome gay people--at least the ones that they know about--so if gay Christians want to be part of a Bible study quite often they have to form their own. It's admirable when you think about it. If you were told you were no longer welcome at your church, would you be so committed to studying the Bible that you'd go out of your way to form your own group to do so?

What's it like going to a gay Christian Bible study? Well, it's usually at someone's home or apartment. You need to get there early because sometimes the place is packed and you will be forced to sit on the floor. At one study I attended I walked in late, having fought through traffic in the rain. I found myself crowding into a small living room with about fifteen other people, and someone was nice enough to offer his chair to me. Copies of song lyrics were distributed, and we started off with a praise and worship time. I noticed a couple of open laptops on the coffee table. People who couldn't make the drive were Skyping in.

They were studying through the Gospel of John verse by verse. We took turns reading out loud from chapter 6, and the leader guided the discussion by asking questions. One of the verses seemed to support a Calvinist view of election and there was lively debate over that. We noticed that different Bible translations put the verse in slightly different lights. Which translation do you have? the leader asked someone. ESV, came the answer. Any others? People called out KJV, NIV, NAS. What about The Message? Anyone here use The Message? There was a friendly sort of tension in the room. Everyone knew who it was that didn't approve of dynamic equivalence Bible translations. If you guys are okay with it, I'll go ahead and read what it says in The Message, the leader said, taking one last cautious look around. Apparently, the coast was clear for a brief lapse into liberalism.

We wrapped up our time by sharing requests and praying together as a group. The fellowship time was a bit cramped, trying to make it through the crowd to the kitchen for soda and store-bought cookies. Then someone broke out a birthday cake and we all sang in honor of the recipient, who was obviously surprised. Aren't you glad you came tonight? people called to him. We were afraid you weren't going to be here.

People hung around until close to 10 pm. The Bible study leader gave me a lift to my car since I was parked two blocks away. He was in the Army Reserves, grew up Southern Baptist, and had recently returned from his second deployment to Iraq. He mentioned that some of his Christian friends had been unfriending him on Facebook for being gay. All I could think was that if my son grew up to be like this guy, I'd be very proud.

So that is what a gay Christian Bible study is like. A bunch of Christians, who are gay, get together to study the Bible. They ask questions, debate a little, and try to keep the peace between the traditionalists and progressives within the group. But in the end, they support and care for one another. In other words, it's not a whole lot different from any other Bible study. Just like, I suppose, being a gay Christian isn't a whole lot different from being any other Christian.

The call for stories continues

In a previous post I put out a call on behalf of Huffington Post blogger John Shore who is compiling a collection of stories by gay Christians for a book (whether an e-book or a traditionally published book remains to be seen) aimed at enlightening a general evangelical readership on what it means to be gay and Christian. I talked to Shore recently and learned that he needed only about a dozen more submissions before he'd have enough stories to move forward with this project. (But of course, ideally, it would nice if he had about five dozen more submissions, because the more the merrier.)

So once again, here are the details about the project in his own words:

I’m exhausted with the absurd notion that gays can’t be just as Christian as any pastor in any pulpit in any church in the country. And I have found that nothing can more trenchantly drive that point home than gay Christians simply telling their own stories.

And if gays can be Christian, then … well, then we’ve necessarily got ourselves a whole new dialogue about Christianity and homosexuality.

So let’s do it. Let’s make that dialogue happen. Let’s force the change. Let’s present what will be impossible to ignore.

If you’re an LGBT Christian who would like evangelical Christians to hear your story, here’s your chance. Write your story in the first person. Try to keep it under 2000 words. (But basically just use however many words you need; we can later adjust the length if necessary.) Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or any of that sort of thing; I can edit it for you. (And I’ll certainly get your okay on all edits before publishing your testimony.) I don’t care how well “written” your story is; I just want your raw, true, and heartfelt words.

The stories in the collection will presented anonymously. Identity-wise, all I need from you is two initials, and whatever city you (want to say you) live in — same as in the bylines for What Non-Christians Want Christians to Hear.

Submit your story to me either via my “Contact Me” page, or by email to: john [AT] johnshore [DOT] com. Sending me your story implies granting me obligation-free permission to include it in the (as-yet-unnamed) collection. You won’t be compensated for your story; just knowing evangelicals will read it has to be motivation enough for you to write it. (I could no sooner track and deal with ongoing payments to fifty different people than I could win a Flamenco dancing contest.) I don’t yet know if I’ll publish this book as an e-book, or with a traditional book publisher.

If you believe in this project and would like to see it happen, please spread this post to wherever you know gay Christians gather online. The more stories I get in for it the better.

Shore's full post is here, where you can also get updates on how the project is going. As far as I know, no deadline has been set yet. So if you have a story to tell, I hope you won't pass up this opportunity to tell it.

"The (Confusing?) Power of the Devout Gay Christian"

Amen, let the confusion begin. Thanks, John Shore.

The Side A/Side B debate

As many of you know, there is a debate among gay Christians about what the Bible teaches regarding same-sex sexual relationships. "Side A" believes that God approves of same-sex sexual relationships and that living a chaste life means abstaining from sex prior to entering into same-sex marriage. "Side B" believes that God does not approve of same-sex sexual relationships and that living a chaste life means living celibate (or, in some cases, being married to an opposite-sex partner, where both partners know it is a "mixed orientation" marriage). In my writings I have sometimes referred to Side A as the "affirming" position and Side B as the "traditional" position. I just like the idea of using terms that aren't judgmental or inflammatory when engaging in this debate.

Yet even though I take the Side B position, more than half of my gay Christian friends are Side A and we get along just fine. Why is that? I first began to realize that there were Side A evangelical Christians out there when I began meeting them at gay churches and gay Christian Bible studies. I'd worship with them, discuss the Scriptures, share testmonies and prayer requests. A group of Side A Christians prayed for me and supported me during the entire controversy I went through with my old denomination. When you experience that kind of close fellowship with one another, you can't deny the presence of the Holy Spirit is among you.

I also came to understand that many Side A evangelicals have scripturally-based reasons for believing as they do. Some arguments are very sound while others I can't agree with. But I agree with them on all the important things: the central doctrines of the gospel and the saving work of Jesus Christ. I just don't agree with their understanding of what the Bible teaches about the specific issue of whether homosexual sexual relations is sinful.

So this is how I've come to think of our differences. Suppose I were asked to write out a list of sins for which I think Jesus died on the cross. This list would represent my interpretation of what Scripture teaches to be sin. I might put down a thousand things on that list, one of which would be homosexual sexual relations. Then I'd leave a large section at the bottom of the paper blank for all the sins I might have left out, perhaps out of ignorance or self-deception or whatever. A Side A Christian might do the exact same thing, except he or she excludes homosexual sexual relations from their list and instead includes the sin of thinking homosexual sexual relations is a sin. So we have both included something on our list that the other person has excluded, and excluded something that the other has included. And we both acknowledge that our own lists are probably very flawed.

Now when we both come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness of our sins, we know that he pays for everything regardless of whether we have included them on our "list" or not. We both come with humility of mind, trusting that his blood will cover not just the sins we've acknowledged but also the ones we've failed to acknowledge because of ignorance, prejudice, hardness of heart, or whatever. So in the end does it really matter if a Side A Christian and a Side B Christian don't agree with each other's "lists"?

The main thing is that we both come before Christ knowing that he can remove all our transgressions, whether we fully understand what those transgressions are or not. In Christ there are no more lists. Our lists have been wiped clean, both what was on it and what we failed to put on them. And since we both come away from the throne of grace so thoroughly cleansed and perfected in Christ's righteousness, can't we forgive each other those disagreements that the blood of Christ has ultimately made irrelevant?

Gay at Wheaton

A gay Wheaton student shares insights that younger evangelicals--who are interested in being more compassionate and open-minded toward homosexuals--need to hear in order to take the next step in reaching out to the gay Christians in their midst. Is it enough to simply not be anti-gay?

Wheaton is not oppressive for the reasons Soulforce was protesting. Homosexual students aren’t actively oppressed under the community covenant. We just can't have sex--which puts us in the same boat as all unmarried Wheaton students. Wheaton is also not oppressively anti-gay, like some other communities. When we finally share our stories, we are usually well received. The community really does desire to help and love us. But they don't necessarily know how, so they keep quiet. As a result, many of us are wasting away, even in the midst of a loving community, under the burden of a well-meaning but deadly silence.

The third point of the article gives helpful advice on how to create a community for Side B (committed to celibacy) gay Christians in the church or on campus. If you want to know why this is so critical, read the second point of the article about what happened to a Wheaton student named Stephen . . .

Don't Ask Don't Tell in the church

A reader tipped me off to this piece by the Rev. Gordon Atkinson about a painful incident he and his congregation went through over a decade ago. A lesbian couple with two young daughters started attending the church regularly and became friends with everyone including the pastor's own kids. The "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy regarding their relationship seemed to work fine until the couple asked to become members.

One woman said to me, “I have no problem with Mary and Karen joining our church. But the fact is, the majority of the people in this church believe that homosexuality is sinful. We’ve never talked about it, but you and I both know that is the case. If Mary and Karen join and no one says anything to them, they will likely assume that our church blesses and affirms homosexual relationships. If we are going to be in community with them, shouldn’t we be honest with them about this?”

In spite of many good intentions, the story does not end well. It illustrates the kind of dilemma the conservative church will be facing more often in the coming years. I don't think there are easy answers, but certainly finding solutions can't happen unless we in the conservative church are willing to discuss homosexuality openly and calmly. Sweeping it under the rug until reality hits us square in the face at some future point can only result in disaster.

"Through My Eyes" trailer

I've found a way to post the trailer for "Through My Eyes," the new documentary by Gay Christian Network:

I also recommend that you read Fiesty Charlie's review of this film. Her excellent summary takes the words right out of my mouth.

"Through My Eyes"

Eight and a half years I've been writing and blogging on "Christianity, homosexuality and the Bible," yet I haven't come across a single resource I could recommend that strikes the exact chord of my concern about this issue until now.

This morning I watched a 46 minute documentary called "Through My Eyes," directed by Justin Lee and distributed by The Gay Christian Network. The film consists of a series of interviews with young Christians in their teens and twenties reflecting on what it is like for them to deal with their homosexuality as Christians. The film was created by Christians for a Christian audience. There is no inappropriate language or content. There isn't any music or narration to manipulate the direction of your emotions. In fact the whole presentation of these interviews is fairly raw and direct. I could easily see this film being shown to a Sunday school class or a campus youth group as a springboard for discussion.

I'm glad I've already watched it once through so I could get my crying done and out of the way before I share it with anyone else. Since I've met and corresponded with so many people over the years who have expressed the exact same sentiments as the subjects of this film, I know that what they're talking about is real.

So, for the first time in the all the years I've been writing on this subject, I'm going to really, REALLY recommend a resource to you, which is this documentary.

The trailer for "Through My Eyes" is here.

You can buy the DVD through Amazon here.

"Immoral" and "faggot"

I once heard a pastor speak at a gay evangelical Bible study where the members affirm same-sex relationships for Christians. I am friends with the leaders of the Bible study, and for years they have graciously allowed me to attend even though I hold to more conservative views on homosexuality than the group.

The pastor, who was gay, had been invited to speak on the subject of relationships. It is a sensitive topic because any gay Christian seeking a committed, monogamous relationship is really looking for a needle in a haystack of sexual temptation, having to deal with a community that is hostile to their Christian values. So the study was fairly well-attended.

Yet what surprised me was the very first thing this pastor said as we opened up our Bibles at the beginning of the study. He told us that even though he himself was seeking a relationship, he believed that God’s original plan in Genesis was for a marriage relationship to be between a man and a woman. He did not believe God had homosexual relationships in view as the ideal when he first created the world. This is my own view, which I had always kept politely under wraps during past group discussions. So I was all ears after that. The pastor then went on to share about his own personal struggles in trying to find a partner. It went, to the best of my memory, something like this:

I used to be married to a woman, but after ten years our marriage fell apart as I realized I was gay and that that wasn’t going to change. I was pastoring at that time. Today I’m still pastoring, except now at a gay and lesbian congregation, because I’ve always felt called by God to serve in that capacity.

Like many of you I’m hoping to find someone I can share my life with. But it’s hard and it’s lonely. I know you can relate. I come home after work as late as I can into the evening, and then I stay up watching TV until eleven, twelve o’clock at night. You guys know what I’m talking about, right? I sit there in front of the television because I hate having to face an empty bed. I stay up and stay up until I’m so tired I know I’ll be out as soon as my head hits the pillow. That way I won’t have to lie there, awake and alone.

Sometimes I ask God about it. I say, ‘Lord, all my life I’ve served you. I’ve always pastored as you’ve called me to do. I got married because I was trying to do the right thing. I stayed with my wife for ten years, even though it felt like I was having sex with my sister. It felt so unnatural. And now after the divorce I’m still serving you in the ministry, and yet I have to come home every night to an empty apartment. Why, Lord? Haven’t I tried to do what was right? Haven’t I always sought to please you? After everything I’ve tried to do for you, why am I left with this loneliness, with nothing but an empty bed to come back to?’

The next day I told my husband what this pastor had shared. He shook his head and said, “Whenever Christians talk about ‘homosexuals’ we have all these ideas about what big sinners they are. But we have no idea what it's really all about. We just have no clue.”

It’s been a year and a half and I still tear up whenever I think about that pastor, how incredibly difficult it must be for him. I just hope that brother in Christ has found the strength each day to soldier on.

And so if you really want to know what I think about these recent events that have hit the news cycle . . .

No, I don’t think Ann Coulter should be calling anyone a “faggot.” No decent person does who cares about the feelings and lives and struggles of other human beings.

As for General Pace’s views on the immorality of homosexuality, I suppose the obvious question is whether his personal moral views should have any bearing on military policy at all. Yet the deeper question is whether General Pace has any idea what he’s talking about when he places the label “immoral” on all openly gay and lesbian people without qualification. Sure, we have a right to our personal and religious viewpoints. But isn’t it better to have some insight into what you’re talking about before you use words that make sweeping, simplistic judgments on other people’s lives?

I remember sitting under theological scrutiny in session meetings in my former denomination, having to affirm the statement that “homosexual acts are immoral” without any breathing room for nuance or explanation. I remember how a respected leader in this same denomination once lamented that our society no longer tolerated the word “faggot,” how he went on as if this were some great loss to our modern culture. I think about these words we throw around, carelessly and even jokingly, and then I think about that gay pastor. Do “immoral” and “faggot” sum up the essence of who he is? Do these words properly characterize what his life is all about?

You can always justify putting offensive labels on entire groups of people by appealing to "free speech" and "the right to your own opinion." Fine, go right ahead. But don't expect that decent people who make it a practice to stay in touch with real life issues pertaining to the human race are going to find much pleasure in your company, or have much regard for your point of view.

Gay and evangelical

For six years people have been writing to tell me about their struggles with being both gay and evangelical, and now at last there's a whole New York Times article about it:

But even when they accept themselves, gay evangelicals often have difficulty finding a community. They are too Christian for many gay people, with the evangelical rock they listen to and their talk of loving God . . .

Gay evangelicals seldom find churches that fit. Congregations and denominations that are open to gay people are often too liberal theologically for evangelicals. Yet those congregations whose preaching is familiar do not welcome gay members, those evangelicals said.

By the way Justin Lee, whom the NY Times interviewed for this article, has written one of the best testimonies I've ever read explaining to an evangelical audience what it means to be gay. It is the one I pass along to my Christian friends whenever they start asking me about homosexuality, and it is almost always well received by them. I highly recommend it.

My friend Buddy

Whenever the anniversary of 9/11 comes around, I am reminded of a small drama that was taking place in my life on the sidelines at that time. My friend Buddy (about whom I wrote an article on my site, as some of you may already know) was less than two weeks from his death and I didn’t know it. After the terrorist attacks, the days that followed were for me an emotional haze. Then Buddy sent me an email on September 19 reporting that he had been waking up at nights with chest pains and pains shooting up his arms, yet he was dismissing these symptoms as part of his history of gastrointestinal problems. Thinking he was just stressed out like me about 9/11, I wrote back and said, “Sure, keep taking that Mylanta” and then shortly after that he was dead of a heart attack. You’d think that since my dad is a physician I would’ve recognized the clear heart attack warning signs and ordered him to get his rear end into a hospital now. But on September 19 my head wasn’t completely in the game.

What was so amazing about Buddy was the firm grasp he had on his self-worth, which was rooted in his firm conviction that God truly loved him in Christ. This in spite of being gay, growing up in a church so conservative they thought Jerry Falwell was a liberal, being told all homosexuals were going to hell, getting kicked out of his family, trying to do the ex-gay thing and leaving that scene, and being estranged from the rest of the gay community because he still believed his homosexuality was sinful. Whatever the extent of his personal failure, whatever the severity of rejection he suffered from the people around him, he always kept his eyes fixed firmly on the cross of Christ, and that was all the hope and comfort he ever needed to keep his head screwed on straight and his feet firmly planted on the ground. He moved out of state, telling his parents that when they were ready to talk to him in a civilized fashion, they could get in touch with him through a friend’s email address. Although his parents and brother wrote him off as a hell-bound pervert, he still attended a conservative church even after his move, refusing to allow their perverse behavior to throw him into a reactionary, self-destructive mode. His father had raised him to believe that getting a college education was “for liberals” and a waste of time, yet at the late age of 37 he enrolled in college to get his Associates degrees, figuring it was better late than never.

One time I confided in him doubts about my website, lamenting that I was “just a housewife” so what difference could someone like me make? Buddy wrote back and said something like, “Oh sure, maybe you’re just a housewife. Or just a rocket scientist, or just a pharmacist, or just a graphic designer, or just a garbage man. Look at President Bush, he’s ‘just the president.’ Either way you’re only one person trying to make a change for something you feel is important, so what does it matter whether you’re ‘just a housewife’ or ‘just the president’ except that you’re at peace with what God has laid on your heart?” I tell you, that guy was the coolest.

Whenever I read through his old emails like I did this morning and see how he signed off with, “Saved by grace, Buddy,” I regret that he is gone, but I also know he’s in a far better place. As a gay man he believed in the grace of God against all the odds, and he made it safely home.

If you're interested in reading more about Buddy, you can check out “My Friend Buddy and the Conservative Church” on my website.

Gay conservative Christians

I’m critical of the leaders of ex-gay ministries, but not so much of the regular folks who seek them out for help. Let me explain why. There are a lot of gay and lesbian Christians out there who cannot accept their own homosexuality as “okay” in God’s sight. For these people this is a very personal decision. It is born out of a faith that informs their conscience. They cannot act upon their sexual orientation without feeling like they have committed a sin, thus causing serious injury to themselves. If you are not a religious person this may be a hard thing to understand, but I understand it very well. I imagine that I would probably feel the exact same way if I were gay.

The problem is where do these people go? As far as the visible gay and lesbian Christian community goes, they appear to be in the minority. Churches that are gay-friendly would tell them that they are self-haters and condescendingly try to encourage them to just get over it. Regular conservative churches would agree with them about the sinfulness of acting upon their homosexuality, yet they would also run them out of town. The logical place to turn to is an ex-gay ministry. It is the one place where gay people who hold to conservative Christian beliefs about their homosexuality can get together without fearing persecution from either straight conservative fundamentalists or gay liberal fundamentalists. Gay conservative Christians need a safe haven too.

What disgusts me most about the public face of ex-gay ministries is how they allow themselves to be used by Family Research Counsel and other Christian organizations to promote false ideas about what homosexuality really is. But when you dig down to the actual individuals who join up with ex-gay ministries, I get the impression that it is quite a mixed bag. Some people buy into the idea of trying to change their orientation, but others are more realistic and just want support for living celibate. There is love and spiritual support to be found in such groups, and many of these people desperately need it. It is hard enough being gay. It is harder still being gay and Christian. But when you are gay, Christian and conservative I think you have it the toughest of all.

I’ve been watching grenades being lobbed between the camps of affirming gays and ex-gays for some time now. I agree with the criticism of affirming gays about ex-gay ministries. But I also have a suggestion to offer. In my opinion if affirming gay Christians were to be more respectful toward gay Christians who have more conservative leanings, and not try so hard to push them into accepting their gayness, they wouldn’t drive so many of them into the arms of groups like Exodus and NARTH. It is partly this hostility that ensures ex-gay ministries will always have people flocking to them. It is only the opinion of an outsider, but that is what I see from my vantage point. Of course the real problem is that the regular old conservative churches and institutions are the ones that should be supporting their own conservative gay and lesbian members instead of kicking them out in the cold. But don’t even get me started on that one.