The pastor, who was gay, had been invited to speak on the subject of relationships. It is a sensitive topic because any gay Christian seeking a committed, monogamous relationship is really looking for a needle in a haystack of sexual temptation, having to deal with a community that is hostile to their Christian values. So the study was fairly well-attended.
Yet what surprised me was the very first thing this pastor said as we opened up our Bibles at the beginning of the study. He told us that even though he himself was seeking a relationship, he believed that God’s original plan in Genesis was for a marriage relationship to be between a man and a woman. He did not believe God had homosexual relationships in view as the ideal when he first created the world. This is my own view, which I had always kept politely under wraps during past group discussions. So I was all ears after that. The pastor then went on to share about his own personal struggles in trying to find a partner. It went, to the best of my memory, something like this:
I used to be married to a woman, but after ten years our marriage fell apart as I realized I was gay and that that wasn’t going to change. I was pastoring at that time. Today I’m still pastoring, except now at a gay and lesbian congregation, because I’ve always felt called by God to serve in that capacity.
Like many of you I’m hoping to find someone I can share my life with. But it’s hard and it’s lonely. I know you can relate. I come home after work as late as I can into the evening, and then I stay up watching TV until eleven, twelve o’clock at night. You guys know what I’m talking about, right? I sit there in front of the television because I hate having to face an empty bed. I stay up and stay up until I’m so tired I know I’ll be out as soon as my head hits the pillow. That way I won’t have to lie there, awake and alone.
Sometimes I ask God about it. I say, ‘Lord, all my life I’ve served you. I’ve always pastored as you’ve called me to do. I got married because I was trying to do the right thing. I stayed with my wife for ten years, even though it felt like I was having sex with my sister. It felt so unnatural. And now after the divorce I’m still serving you in the ministry, and yet I have to come home every night to an empty apartment. Why, Lord? Haven’t I tried to do what was right? Haven’t I always sought to please you? After everything I’ve tried to do for you, why am I left with this loneliness, with nothing but an empty bed to come back to?’
The next day I told my husband what this pastor had shared. He shook his head and said, “Whenever Christians talk about ‘homosexuals’ we have all these ideas about what big sinners they are. But we have no idea what it's really all about. We just have no clue.”
It’s been a year and a half and I still tear up whenever I think about that pastor, how incredibly difficult it must be for him. I just hope that brother in Christ has found the strength each day to soldier on.
And so if you really want to know what I think about these recent events that have hit the news cycle . . .
No, I don’t think Ann Coulter should be calling anyone a “faggot.” No decent person does who cares about the feelings and lives and struggles of other human beings.
As for General Pace’s views on the immorality of homosexuality, I suppose the obvious question is whether his personal moral views should have any bearing on military policy at all. Yet the deeper question is whether General Pace has any idea what he’s talking about when he places the label “immoral” on all openly gay and lesbian people without qualification. Sure, we have a right to our personal and religious viewpoints. But isn’t it better to have some insight into what you’re talking about before you use words that make sweeping, simplistic judgments on other people’s lives?
I remember sitting under theological scrutiny in session meetings in my former denomination, having to affirm the statement that “homosexual acts are immoral” without any breathing room for nuance or explanation. I remember how a respected leader in this same denomination once lamented that our society no longer tolerated the word “faggot,” how he went on as if this were some great loss to our modern culture. I think about these words we throw around, carelessly and even jokingly, and then I think about that gay pastor. Do “immoral” and “faggot” sum up the essence of who he is? Do these words properly characterize what his life is all about?
You can always justify putting offensive labels on entire groups of people by appealing to "free speech" and "the right to your own opinion." Fine, go right ahead. But don't expect that decent people who make it a practice to stay in touch with real life issues pertaining to the human race are going to find much pleasure in your company, or have much regard for your point of view.
